The sky is green

A photo taken yesterday when we’re at Pangasinan.

Amazed when I saw this view, despite of the 37degree celsius surroundings.

I know He has plans. And I wanna trust the plans He plotted for me. I owe Him everything and so I chose to trust Him. 

Things may change from time to time, could be unnoticed and unacceptable – this is how life would flow.

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A tree. Lights. Time.Β 


This was a photo I’ve taken last night from Eastwood Citywalk. When I saw this I remember a lot. 

I wish I can be like a tree – strong, beautiful and flexible. I wish I have the same characteristics which I can use to survive in my daily doings. 

I miss myself. I miss myself before all of these. 
I don’t know what happened, I am unsure if it’s me. I don’t know. All I know is everyday I do wake up and do my job and yet I am no longer happy. All I know is, I am doing this because I need to. I needed this to survive with all the responsibilities I have on my shoulder.

I wish I am rich. I wish I am.

I also do wish I am better. I wish I am weak like before, so maybe – maybe people will still like me as I am. I don’t know what I’ve learned for I became like this. I feel like – I have nothing anymore. 

At this point, I really wish to talk to someone – someone whom can listen to me and help me bring back who I am before. 

I did wish to be strong but I didn’t wish to be nothing to every one.

I wish someone would give me the lights and time. I wish…

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Tired with this pain

Here’s a new dilemma with my life – I got a long time cough and this isn’t normal like I used to have. Last week Monday, this pain started to hit me. Thought it was just a normal cough so I drunk a lot of water until Tuesday my body can no longer resist the pain and then I felt I was chilling and really not doing good. Then I got a bad headache and flu.
On the next day, I didn’t report to work due to the flu I got on Tuesday night and wanted to get some rest due to my headache. On the second day then, I also didn’t go to work due to severe cough and head ache. I didn’t know what I actually did but every time I cough my head is really aching feels like it will split into two. Then late afternoon I got this chill thing again and didn’t feel really right. I tried to take a bath with a hot shower, then right after then I felt another chill and my body started to be hot and so flu back again. Still have the cough and really bad head ache. SO I decided to be home that night and will visit doctor on the next day.
Come Friday, despite of the severe pain in my head even while I am at rest and worst when I am walking – it’s killing me!, I went to the Fairview General Hospital and visit a doctor. I was advised to take a lot of medicine to mend the pain. Doctor said it was a dry cough that I had to give a lot of force and pressure only to exile the phlegm. So the pressure then goes up to my head and causes the pain even the flu.
After those advises, I indeed follow them and then next day I REALLY thought I am fine!!!, indeed I’ve been very “makulit” and “pabibo” BUT everything has changed after I went home. My whole afternoon was great and spent the hours watching series, fixing my cellphone’s storage and moved most of the pictures to my personal laptop. Then during the night, I took a bath and did my errands around 8pm – I did my grocery and bought medicine as well. Oops! and we had a dinner with my boyfriend. I was still fine during this time, just felt the heavy cough slowly coming back and thought it was just because I was out and able to feel some air.
Back home, I did iron my clothes too! This time I am not really positive I am good but I did try to iron my clothes still cause I have to go to work next week. Got done at around 1:30AM and then tried to get some rest. And now I am really not feeling well. My heart beats really fast after I took my meds, my throat is aching and I had to cough and cough again. I almost didn’t get aΒ sleep because of my cough andΒ I wanted to cry.
Until now, Sunday – all my plans just been wiped out because of this damned cough. I had to stay home andΒ rest in the corner doing my stuffs in my laptop for the whole day as whenever I tried to do something I am being ended up coughing and almost crying at the same time because of the pain.
I didn’t know what I did nor what just happened. I felt like I was fooled by the April fools day. They fooled me and felt like I am good and ready to kick again, but then everything did change! I can’t even go to church the way I planned for it. IT’S SUNDAY!!! And I really hate this for I’ve been very pleased to talk to HIM for I already missed church for almost a month. =( Too bad I still can’t this time.
What the heck happened to me! I really hate when this ill comes to me for it stays really longer and I am not happy.

Aerial view of European Alps

Just wanted to share this overwhelming view I’ve seen on our way to Rome, Italy from Amsterdam. 

How I wish, time will come and I’ll be able to see and touch them myself soon – just how our counterparts is wishing for me too – to see the snow and make them feel for real.

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London

I do admit that London was one of the places I’ve wished to visit to. And I didn’t I will be able to meet London this way. We got lost by accident – we’re supposed to be going to Paris and yet we ended up in London.

This kind of experience is another thing I will surely keep here for the rest of my life. Getting lost somewhere in Manila is a huge deal so what’s more of getting long to a different world?!?!

So right now I am writing this note while on our way back to the Belgium to pickup our stuffs and then travel back to Almere for work.

I had a lot in mind and I almost cry. Good thing I’ve managed to still focus and able to think.

I just wish this will no longer happen. This was a great experience though.

P.S. thank YOU to HIM.

Broken me

It’s just a start of the year and I am broken. I didn’t really expect these stuffs be like this. I wish time will be real’ slow and somebody would mind to really listen to me.

Being a lead at work is really giving me a lot of pressure. Yah, I do enjoy working at times but this kind of pain in me isn’t really what I wanted, ever. I thought things seem to be handled at least, and all of my emotions were being worked on and improved. But turns out things will NEVER EVER be easy. I do wish to have the experience – the same happiness and easy life like of those people in this position as mine.

After this week, I learned that I am not a good person NOR a person I wish would see me.

I actually thought I somehow managed to bring the best to the peope around me and able to build them and let them grow. I thought my sacrifices, my doings are being appreciated by them. But then today, everything turned out NOT what I ever wanted. 

And being in this position here, I don’t know what to do NOR what will happen next. 

I don’t know how to start again, I don’t know how to be the right Me again.

I wish at this hour, someone would mind to listen to all my rants, someone would mind to comfort me – at least today. 😭

I don’t wanna sit here again and see myself really broken. I can’t even talk to my parents and mind to ask them this – can I take a break for at least 1 to 2 months, please??? I just can’t knowing I will be hurting them again and will probably disappoint them. 

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know… 😭😭😭 can I quit now?

Hearts at 2017

Valentines day is indeed the sweetest between two lovers. Though in reality sweetness shouldn’t happen only  on this month.

Today, I realized we’re not really like those couple who’s spending this day in a place where romance is indeed around and being felt. We went to Highstreet area here in BGC after our work, looking for a place to dine with our co-workers. It’s a few blocks away from our office building and quite a little walk. It was cold – still feels the coldness from Christmas. I’ve seen a lot of lovers dinning on that area, who’ve opted to dine on their favorite or romantic restaurant around.

Ladies does have their own boquet of flowers, teddy bears – with their high heels on. While holding their lover’s hand. Ahuh! It’s really sweet. But we, my partner? Nuh! We don’t do those. What just happened was we stroll the BGC area. Then finally found the restaurant where we’d like to dine to fill our empty stomachs.

Yeah in short, we’re really not like them. 

Thou at the back of my mind, I do think when I can experience that kind of romance. Wahahahahaha!!! I do believe it’s every day’s dream. πŸ˜™

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